Summary |30-05

You know what’s the most amazing this very second? THE WIND IS BLOWING SO HARD! Much like a huge portion of the world, we are suffering heat wave. Today is the first day I am able to breathe and even relax. The wind is cold, the sky is darkened, I’ll take this storm, momma Nature, thank You.

So how was my week, eh?

  • It was good.
  • I’m obsessing (healthy, because it motivates me to do more) with Shane Dawson and Jeffree Star videos. We’re watching it with a friend, with next-day bonus videos by Peter Monn on his drama channels. I was never so invested in a story! It’s so inspiring, I’m loving every moment of it.
  • The purple colored Monster Punch is still no where to be found, which is upsetting!
  • I have received a slip in the mail claiming I’ve a package awaiting. I’m guessing it might be from Germany. But now I have to wait for Monday to get it. But I guess that only means I’ll have a good Monday, right?
  • I’ve received three amazing postcards!
  • 95% of the bills are paid for the last month. Gonna see how this month fares from here on. Internet bill tried to slip past me for TWO MONTHS! But they texted me, informing there’s no payment, I found slips that I have indeed MADE payments, and they said that’ll do, but I’m to make a bit different kinds of payments next time. Will do!
  • No update from mum’s case just yet, but they’re reviewing it, hopefully. We did obtain all the documents for it.
  • Friends are good. Youtube is good. Video games is good.
  • I’ve decided I need blue hair.

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  • I have received the correct wire for jewelry. Expect new stuff flooding Etsy sometime soon, for I have many projects unfinished due to lack of this wire.
  • I’m working on a load of commissions. How great is that even?
  • I still need to make myself work on those Pandas from another super secret little projects. I’m sure it’s gonna be a blast once I stop just sketching and start actually painting. But that step from one to another is the hardest part, always.

Hope you all are doing well, and that this heat didn’t affect you too much, nor the country you live in. I wish you as comfortable days as you wish to have.

xx
Blackwood

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Video Game Guide for a transgender guy | Not really a guide tho.

More like an explanation why sometimes that’s the only thing that gets me through the day.

Some days I don’t know whether this is a curse or a blessing. Sometimes it feels like this is for the best on a condition that I’ll have a chance to transition. Because I got to know the other side of the physical gender spectrum, and that likely made me a better man than I would’ve been if I were just whatever I wanted to be instead. Other times I just really want to be normal by heteronormative standards, because oh boy, this sucks so bad. People don’t perceive you the way you see yourself. You start feeling invisible at times. Do you have those friends who have it tough time to stay single, and seem to mop around when they have to be single for a little while longer? I’m not one of those people, and that’s probably the only reason I survived this long. Because imagine trying to date when everyone sees you as something entirely else. Imagine dating a human if everyone sees you as a bee instead. Yes, I just made a reference to a movie.

Anyway, most days are pretty okay. And bad days can often be improved by video games. Especially the ones that give you some freedom on character creation.

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My two main examples are Elder Scrolls Online and Grand Theft Auto 5 Online. First one being a fantasy game, so allowing me some writing stimulation too, since it’s easy to immerse yourself in it, and then have this story of “I went into a dungeon with terrifying monsters in every dark corner, and not only did I live to tell the tale, I came out blooded with my enemy blood” and all that, you know?

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But it’s the second one that is more important to me. And I do feel that it’s the most cheesy thing ever, because what, mostly kids play that game anymore. But then some days I get into that game to merely walk around or drive around. Being this fine dude in platinum blue mohawk, well fitting jeans, broad shoulders, firm thighs, seen as he is… Some days that’s the best thing, that’s the highlight of my whole day.

I really appreciate the updates they made. I appreciate the interactions with NPC’s, and now – a chance to dance too. I feel like I’m one of those rarer guys who actually like to dance (or rare ones who admit to it), even if I’ve got no moves, I’ll shuffle about and enjoy it too, as long as the music got some rhythm I can follow. And I live in this stupid tiny town where there’s no where to go to dance, and I don’t live alone, so it’s not like I can dance without disturbing people either. Can you imagine my joy as I logged in one day, and found my alter ego able to dance? And how much better it got when my friends logged on too, and we went to dance together?

So, video games for me are a life beyond life. A life I’d like, but can’t yet have. A way out. You’ll look at me there, and you’ll perceive me right, even if you’ll assume I’m queer by the way I’m dressed (that’s a discussion for another time) (also I am not in fact queer, but that’s also something to be defined some other time). There I am visible. There I can breathe.

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Summary | 07-??

Why am I like this? No, really, why? I was busy, I really was. But definitely not as busy so that I couldn’t find five minutes to write a blog entry. Well, screw the excuses, let’s get on with it.

 

  • GTA5 Online has released a new update. After Hours or Night Life or something like that. You basically buy a club from Gay Tony, and it blows your head off. First of all, you can upgrade it a little, adjust it to your tastes, even if just a little bit. Then there’s a whole bunker / warehouse thing going on in the basement. You send out your hired goons to gather things for you. The only reason you need to ever go to a public map is to then sell it. Everything else can be done in private maps, with your friends. Including club missions which are amazing at first, and not so boring afterwards. Solomun makes great music, and I’ve actually spent time just watching my character dance. Hell, I’ve spent time dancing with friends, since we live so far apart, it’s not likely we’ll go dancing IRL any time soon. There’s some new clothes and a couple new cars, but the moves is what’s hot for me.

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  • Elder Scrolls Online got Cyrodiil event happening right now, but I can’t say I care for that one. PVP is just not my jam.
  • There’s enough work for three that I do alone. I manage. Barely. But I do.
  • Yes, it is indeed very hot.
  • I left wax in sunlight and it turned soft enough to make molds out of. I’ll be making ear cuffs using them, with hopes it’ll make for better versions than the five prototypes I have that I hate for reasons. I must ask myself again here: why am I like this?
  • My head looks like a human head again. I went to hairdressers’. I’m usually pretty good at socializing even with strangers. But do try to drag me to a hairdresser…
  • I am very unsure of how people survive in longer hair and beards right now. I can’t recall how I lived my life with three months worth of growth (my hair grows very fast too, mind you) where the undercut used to be.
  • I’m reading “Welcome to Night Vale” book, and I’m not really loving it so far. King meets Gaiman.
  • Die Antwoord is coming to Lithuania. I won’t go, of course, but I’d like to. Some day. Not in Lithuania maybe.

Log | The Video Games; eso, gtav

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You know what’s good? Reward systems. And lemme tell you how mine works thus.

I have 4 calendars on my table, since I am unable to find one that could do all the things I need. For I need to write things down, but I also need to mark things up. Usually if you can write things, there’s too much room to mark things, and you don’t have as good a visual as you’d like. Then there’s also a planner which I draw into my notebook myself. It has month title, days – horizontal; things I want to do daily – vertical. And so I just mark days out. The goal is to have one vertical line filled for the day, and have as many of them as possible. By no means do I aim for it to be fully filled, let’s be reasonable with ourselves (but at the same time, let’s push ourselves to the limit and see what’s beyond it).

So, I have daily things, plus I have daily work pieces, since I have 4 blogs, two groups, and two more side projects. Some are paid, some, like this one here, are here for pleasure of mine, and ease of my friends.

Say, today is my busiest day, but I choose to have 2 log entries too. I could take them out, and just claim it is a busy day, I won’t work extra. But how will I ever expand the limits, if I don’t push at them whenever I reach them?

Enter Reward System.

 

Everyone has guilty pleasures, I am sure of it. The thing between guilty pleasure and just a pleasure is the “shouldn’t” factor. Say, you want ice-cream, but you also want to lose weight, buy that book, go on that trip. Here’s how you can use reward system: every time you want the ice-cream, take the money that the treat would cost, and bring it back home, without buying the ice-cream. Put it in a jar or something. Next thing you know, you’ll have the spare money for the book, and if books are a guilty pleasure too – some of the “shouldn’t” factor is removed, for you wrestled your other wants for it. One battle at a time is good enough, believe me.

In my case, it’s video games. I like to pretend I’m working by turning off video game sound, and turning on an audio book. Yes, that does mean I have new material for three blogs. But why do I feel so bad anyway? Because most likely after the 6 hours audio book to play out on double speed – I didn’t do anything else. Sometimes I get motivated to work, but that’s usually not with games that I play with no sound on. It is more often those games that engage me with a story, so I’m really just tricking myself.

Instead what I do now, is I do all the work, even the one that I didn’t want to do, even the stuff that I am too lazy to do, even the things I don’t really have to do. I just do it. And then, at the set limit of time, I can start playing video games, sound on or off, don’t matter. It removes the “guilty” from pleasure to me. And as I said, I am absolutely certain there are many, many aspects in life where you can use this in.

Just make sure you stay nice, kind, and healthy, okay? You’re great, I love you, and you should love you too.

Long Summary of Everything

A lot of things have happened. I’m just gonna mention the highlights, just to get myself back into making these summaries every Sunday,  okay? Okay.

Went to see Deadpool 2, something I have mentioned here. It was great. Went to the museum to see a mammoth afterwards, and that was also really great. I’m still enjoying the image in my head of a dog sized fluffy horse herds running around.

Went to see Love, Simon. Must say, nothing makes a 28 year old guy feel more like an old man, than going to a same movie as a whole bunch of teenage girls. Still, good for them, I approve the acceptance, wherever it comes from. My friend seem to have enjoyed the movie too. We laughed, we might have or might not have cried like babies too, and we mutually agreed that Simon’s parents can have their own movie, they’re awesome, and funny, and great.

I won an ESO: Summerset DLC, preorder edition too, so I got the firey mount with it. It’s great, because I wasn’t about to spend the money I need for other things on a dlc, as much as I wanted it. Luck’s on my side, thank You, Universe, and all that jazz. It’s a great DLC, if you can snag it cheaper some place – do, the quests are interesting, the new things to do are fun, and there’s even new bard music:

Daily rewards and new crates started there too. Crates are meh, but daily rewards are not so bad. You get about 25 a month, so you can skip days, as long as you make it via those 25 days during the period of the month they’re for, you’ll get everything. I got a beautiful fox pet from it, a lot of trash from crown crates, that can’t be turned into gems, because they’re not technically from crown crates (like poisons, potions, foods, scrolls), and some new crates. For which I regret buying them in the first place now, but what can you do.

Put out a lot of books for sale, and am thinking if maybe I can put some up on ebay or something. Mostly because I really don’t know what to do with them, they’re too misc. to be taken locally, and I don’t want to throw them away either! We’ll see, I guess, I might come up with something eventually.

One of these days I’ll also tell you of a mini-meet we had with a friend who came for a vacation. We went to hang out in the park, and me being me, I got home with a baggy full of oak caps, feathers, and all kinds of greenery. It deserves a post on its own for many reasons.

Alright, so let’s say that that’s that for now, okay? I’ll try to get back in track with this, it’s a good little meditation and appreciation practice to write summaries like this. After all, lots of good things happened. Lots of. It’s pretty amazing. And all it takes is look beyond the doom and gloom that you get to stare at day in and day out otherwise.

GTA Online: Nightclub | Nightlife

After every GTA Online update – I set myself for “this might be the last one”. The game is pretty old by now, no one would be surprised if they took the efforts they’re still putting in for it and re-directed them towards new projects. I am happy that it has not happened yet though.

Nightclub will apparently introduce new properties (nightclubs), which always felt strangely lacking to me. I mean, we’re talking about criminal organizations here, how is it that there’s one open strip club in whole town that we can visit, and not one that we can own? This will apparently remedy that. I hope for some music, and interactions, and missions, and maybe new clothes, because I’ll be running around in a bathrobe soon enough.

Log in any time from now to July 2nd to get exclusive bonuses once it gets released!

Elder Scrolls Online + Twitch = Drops

unknownSo there’s a new thing now: you can connect your Elder Scrolls Online account with Twitch and attend random drops that happen during ESO streams on Twitch on pretty much any account that is supported by ESO. I don’t know if you have to type in anything into the chat, but I’m sure the streamer will let you know. I do know, though, that you have to watch the stream, but since I haven’t watched the whole of the one I was watching (kevduit), I assume you don’t need to stay all day long (since you only receive a reward at the end of the stream, if you did “win” one)

Make sure you connect your accounts (go to your account, all info in the next link here): Twitch Drops & More

And here’s one streamer I watch and know for a fact to be supported, thus you’d be eligible to get drops if you get into a live stream on time: Kevduit

I have received one, and so can confirm that you will receive an email. There’s only two tiers though, the crap (potions, stones, scrolls), and the super duper rare lovelies, which are two or three, I forget (a mount, a pet, and a…)

After you do win your box, you can go right into your game and find it there, where you normally would have boxes, with the sassy cat to help you flip the cards from the box.

Summerset PTS beta testing and how I couldn’t use the gift

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Some if not most of you already know, Summerset, another chapter is coming to ESO soon enough now. As of May, if I’m not wrong, PTS is available for all. But this is a very short and riveting tale of how I was invited to do closed beta testing. And couldn’t.

One day I awoke to a letter from Elder Scrolls online, inviting me to come test Summerset in Closed Beta. There was a huge page of rules of what’s allowed to disclose, what’s not, and when will the non-disclosure agreement be lifted. The rules weren’t very strict, and allowed quite some freedoms, so I was stoked. I thought, wow, I’ll stream this, my Twitch will not be as dead as it is, I’ll show you, and my friends, all the wonderful things Summerset surely has to offer!

So I google what wasn’t clear to me, and start downloading the PTS (Public Test Server). First trip: I don’t have the space for it in my HD. So what I do, is I delete everything I can, keeping only the essentials, which I deemed to be ESO, of course, and GTAV, since that’s one of the rare games I could play with more than one of my friends.

Still, it doesn’t fit. So I resort to installing it into main disk, that is kept for system only, there’s space left for backups and emergencies there, and what is PTS for Summerset if not an emergency, right? Right.

After approximately 6 hours of downloading and installing things, it threw me another error: not enough space. Why? Because it downloads, and installs, so there’s the semi-downloaded files, the downloaded files that are going through installation as it continues, taking up new space that’ll later be freed by deleting the already downloaded file it used to install itself, to download the rest, and whatever other trash one can imagine.

I googled again as of how to uninstall this without uninstalling ESO itself too, and… Well, still uninstalled ESO instead. We’re talking about roughly 60-90 GB of space here. At first I was mighty confused of what did I do, but figuring I’m a moron, I tried installing PTS again. And again it dropped me an error of lacking space. So with only GTA on my hard, I still didn’t have enough room for the damned thing. And this time we’re talking about a really fair amount of space, so imagine the expanding it goes through with download / install / download kind of tactics. I may be wrong tho, I guess. It might have simply been an error in general, that was falsely marked as space shortage.

So. Yes, I didn’t get to play Summerset therefore. Yes, I am very stupid for having my disk split into two, for surely that would solve me some space troubles, but hey, that’s how I roll.

I can’t say I’m all that sad tho, since I’m perfectly okay with first experiencing it with my friend, instead of alone or with strangers. It might have been a nice little entry for other future testings tho.

So that’s that. In the age of huge games, ya can’t be as dumb as I am! But also, well, don’t cry over spilled milk, I guess.