Alright, this month ended up a flop due to the damn doctor visitations. We had to have 4, with one emergency, so I once again look at unpaid bills, and wonder if I should pray. I’m at the point where a voice in my head just hunches shoulders, and says “nothing else worked, it couldn’t hurt”. Thanks to some people here tho those visitations were possible. I’m really not sure I would’ve pulled four on my own.

Small personal bad thing is that I locked myself out of digital translation office, and they’re not giving me a reset code. It could be due to it being the weekend. Or it could be due to them thinking I’m an idiot. In that case someone out there is preparing firing papers, because they won’t keep me if I don’t keep up with the work, which I can’t do, because I can’t access it!

I’d be willing to offer, thus, a free commission portrait in exchange for a promo. The only requests on my part would be: either have decent views, or stable friendships. Promo would mean a copy-paste of the campaign, or at the very least – relink to a journal entry.

I made a lot of new jewelry too! They’re all underpriced if we consider the time it took to make them, and they’re all as good a quality as I could make them, thus – nothing I wouldn’t wear myself. All links to that are below.

Your Good Deed of the Day: As you may know, or not really, my fam’s in enough trouble for me to have three jobs, and us still be underfed. My mother’s anemic, with broken arm ligaments that left her hand useless, she lost her insurance, and the pains she’s having are borderline unbearable. Medication is by far not free. My father has a poor heart, blood pressure through the roof, diabetes, and now a suspected colon cancer. There’s still a slim chance it’s something else, like a hard ulcer that ends up pumping blood into his guts, and thus makes it seem like it’s cancer, but tests are also paid, and each one crushes another shard of hope. The previous surgeries they had, and the mortgage has put us into deep debt, no joke, we’re looking at approximately 12k euros a year if we don’t wish to end up on street, or parents – in debtor jail. But that would pretty much be all, and unless another emergency struck us – I could pull this on my own.

I’m a freelance translator on the side, regular translator during the night (due to time zone differences), and then every-side-job-I-can-get kid during the day. Means some days I make web pages, other days I write paid blog entries, third day I do journalism and spew 4 articles in 12 hours. I make jewelry, I paint, and after almost 3 years of this – really, I don’t care what else I have to do, as long as there’s hope it’ll end before I expire. I’ve manic depression, it comes with insane suicidal tendencies, and there were times when I doubted I’ll see morning. On top of this gem, I’m transgender, something no one would accept here if they knew, it’s a small town, in a homophobic country. So I’m not even in a good place. And since I can’t pay both mine, and parent’s bills, I have to live with them, just so they can have as much use of me as I can possibly provide. I love them just about enough to repeat this to myself every time I can’t stop thinking about a pill bottle, a scalpel I use for carving, and pencil sharpening, a sturdy belt… But no one’s reading, I feel, so let’s get to the point.

Commissions in exchange for donations!

My past commissions:

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MaitsoKane: Rules

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Yrdenne: Rules

I will jump on this train and offer Commissions to anyone who donates! 😀
You know that I can´t draw, but you can commission poems, short stories, background stories for your OCs etc.
Rules:
* Donate either on gogetfunding: [Donate]
* Or get Soukyan a coffee: [Ko-Fi tip]
* show me proof
* send me a note and tell me what I shall write for you!
(please understand that there might be things I just can´t or don´t want to write, feel free to ask in advance!)
* please check out my short stories and poems:
http://yrdenne.deviantart.com/gallery/61839376/Background-Stories

Fundraiser Page
Ko-fi Page
Patreon, Commissions
Etsy, Jewelry

Log [0620]

Almost finished ESO: Morrowind expansion. But then the damn main quest got bugged! There’s this part of the quest where you need to go get three items. Two of them are in the chests, one – on a dead guy. The quest items duplicated! You pick it up once, and it doesn’t update quest log, even thou you do get a prompt slide through your screen. It’s when you pick it up the second time that the quest log agrees: yeah, we’re done here. You can do that with chests, but not the corpse! Corpse bloody disappears! So now I’m stuck waiting for a fix patch.

I got myself some Russian Grey Lipton tea, and it’s very good. Much better than, say, Earl Grey, if I’m honest. It’s black tea, has good flavor to it, and very little of any smell.

Dracula Vs. Hitler turned out to be a very good book, and I really hope I can get a physical copy of it someday soon. It’d do good to have it in my Dracula collection. It lift up my morals a fair bit. Funny… Once again during a depressive stupor I ran into a Dracula book and it helped me out of it. There’ll be a review of the book tomorrow over at [<a href=”http://nightmodereading.wordpress.com”>Night Mode Reading</a>]

Tomorrow evening Steam Sale starts (it’s at 8pm my +2 time, so, Bulgarian, German, and English friends, check your time with Lithuanian)

Log [06-13]

Couldn’t fall asleep because of the splitting headache. Naturally that means a lot of time to think, so I got up with beginnings of a bad depression spell. But then the day went on pretty decent. I’ve been approved for two translations I ought to do via today (one of them didn’t give me the file yet, and needs the text by the midnight). A friend got me Metro Redux bundle, I’m real happy about that, and will indulge into that heaven when I possibly can.

It’s really annoying how every translation office/bureau has their own translator tools, and text tools. Mostly because it means you’ll have to do everything through their system, in which case everything will have to be approved before it passes between you and the client. So now I have 12 hours to translate a cheap little text that isn’t worth my time, but I cant’ afford to decline anything right now, and I do need to learn how to use their system, so, practice, and no one yet gave me that said text.

Someone buy me a coffee, I want to bang my head against the table!

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Summary [05-11]

I should keep a diary, for I forget things I ought to write in the blog. But here goes, summary of this week.

It started pretty damn okay. Sold a handful of jewelry, and a small stack of books. Ebay had this great thing where I could list a ton of items free, so I put my English books there. Dumbo that I am, I now remembered I’ve another stack on the other side of the room I could also put up there. So that’s good all in all.

I’ve got a great postcard, and a wonderful package/letter, both from Germany. Postcard I already showed off everywhere, and the package is just too dear and near for my heart to show everything, but here’s one of the greatest inventions you will ever see:

19060097_10212620550966183_896291892741056890_n

That, my friends, is a teacup cozy. And there were also these weird amazing teas stashed in there too. Underneath where you can’t see it, because I’m an idiot, there’s roasted corn + barley Korean brand tea, and I think it’s my new favorite. For one, it smells like coffee. I like coffee smell, I don’t like coffee, so win1. For two, it has roasted corn flavor, a.k.a. kinda tastes like good popcorn, so win2. And for three, barley takes away the nasty sweetness corn often has that I don’t like (but if you ARE a sweet tooth – a chip of chocolate, a spoon of honey, or a bit of sugar will make this the best drink you ever had), so here’s to win3!

There’s also my future tattoo enclosed in this package, which I will guard with my life until the day I can get it. I’ve decided I actually really want one on my upper foot, I know it’s extremely painful, but upper limb parts are just sexi to have inked. So here’s to good kind of suffering in the future.

The day after I got this package I sat by the open window, watching The Danish Girl, sipping that barley/corn tea, and allowed myself a moment of remembering who I am. In my every day life I forbid myself thinking of it, because I’m too afraid I will never reach this goal, that the obstacles will crush me. So, thank you for the moment of peace I had, my lovely friend ❤

I also finished Child of Light, and geezus that game hits you right in all the feels. It’s an amazing fairy tale, even if the battles are bit repetitive and annoying. The music is unbelievable. I’d pause game just to listen some, it was THAT good. And now, I just received Meadow, from another friend, so I guess I’ll have something to fill in the empty space in my life where that game has just been. I’m so grateful to the two of you ❤

Lured another friend into trying out The Wolf Among Us, since it’s a brilliant piece with, again, good music (not as good as Child of Light, but good in this dark Sin City sort of vibe), so there’s that. Finished those damn Sherlock fan books, which were both terrible. Am almost done with Graceling trilogy, and the third book is really not that bad.

Oh, and, the friend who got me Meadow, she also gave me her crafting supplies to use as I see fit until she needs them (a.k.a. I am free to use it up if it happens). We agreed on a small little business plan so that my consciousness doesn’t kill me, and I spent a day trying to figure out where to put it all, because there’s A LOT of things! A LOT. So here’s to another thing (yes, I do expect you to sip tea when I say that, or anything else you got at hand) – all the new shiny things I will make, and super intense bookmarks that are about to happen, because you need to see that yarn…

Log [2017-06-06]

Week so far is tad strange. But so far it’s not too bad.

I worked myself out of the stupor, made a ton of beautiful things, and will now schedule patreon too, so that patrons get the most for the support, and love that they give me.

It’s weird how both too sunny, and too overcast are both very bad for pictures. I can work it out of the picture either way, but that’s exactly it, it means more work on the photographs.

The paintings are going slower, but they’re still going. I’m a bit annoyed that the colors in pallet get all kinds of weird – they either dry out their oils, or their oils turn them into goo. Deep-dishes are a bit bad if you’re not using large amounts of paint at once.

Sold last of the encased flower pendants, so now I’ve no more actual flower pieces. I should get more, but gathering nature’s materials for crafting is very bothersome…

Sunday: Summary [29-04]

Oh, so many things happened.

The week started with deep-ass depression, really I felt like this was it, I can’t continue with things. And I feel best when I work, so being unable to work means I feel even worse in the long run. But bit by bit, encouraged by friends, I pushed a sentence after a sentence, a bend after a bend, and a stroke after a stroke. Blog entries were all over the place, I admit, but at least they were there.

I played some extra video games on mute, just so I could listen to audio books while doing mundane things as gathering silk, so that the beast in me that requires I work all the time doesn’t think I slack. In the end that really de-stressed me, so I’m grateful to have all those games, so many of them being given to me by friends.

Books are great, and I encourage each and every single one of you, even those who read one book every few month, join some book-y community. Felicia Day’s “Vaginal Fantasy” is great, for instance, and no, it’s not just for the ladies, they read all kinds of romance stories, weird, normal, fantasy, sci-fi, and yes, queer too. The people you connect with will be worth the effort. I promise you a sense of accomplishment when you finish a book everyone’s now reading, and you can join into the discussion too. I’m lucky to say that I have a lot of reader friends, one of them is this wonderful young woman, from [P.S. I Love That Book], and her videos inspire me to read more. She’s a living proof that no matter what book you pick up – it’s good, and that you do need to expand your horizons on your own, because marketing will not do it for you.

And she’s not the only reading friend that I’ve got! There’s two that pry the door open for books I’d like to read, but feel… Well, bad about reading them, I felt afraid to review them, but they, eventually, made it feel normal, and perfectly fine. There’s one who is just getting into the booky stuff via crafting and listening to audio books, and I’m real happy for her. And then there’s one who gives a whole new perspective to books, because she likes them for whole different reasons, and makes all of us see what we might have missed.

I also made two pieces of jewelry, one is not yet finishes, because I want a different chain for it, which just never came, so I guess I’ll have to figure it out, and the other one is already on [<a href=”http://soukyan.etsy.com”>Etsy</a>%5D and is called Fisher King and Nimue (lady of the lake), due to the bead primarily purpose: to be visible underwater from afar. I sold a fair amount of jewelry too, so I really need to step up my game before I ran out of everything except earrings. Earrings are rare sale, really, I don’t think many people wear them anymore, which is perfectly fine, I like making necklaces and bracelets more anyway!

Two wonderful artists offered to make commissions on my behalf. People donate to my fundraiser, and they do commissions for those people in exchange. I admit, I might have teared up a bit when I read what they’re doing. Why would you sacrifice your time for someone you barely, if at all, know? But there’s kind people on this Earth.

And thank You to my Patrons, all four of you. Know that I’d understand completely if one day you decide that this was enough for you, and you’d like to move on ❤ I appreciate the thought and time you spent there, and there’s really nothing I won’t show a bit later to public anyway. I’m saying this, because all four of you are my friends, okay? If you were strangers, this talk wouldn’t be happening, I promise!

So, all in all, this was a bad-to-good week. I have hope again.

Sunday: Summary

This week was both good and bad in fairly equal measures, I dare say. Every bad thing was counteracted with a good thing, and every random good thing – with a bad thing, so I don’t even know how to evaluate it, but here goes nothing anyway:

A friend visited me on Monday, found her loitering on a warehouse rooftop with a puzzle book, waiting for me to come from a lesson. We went for a walk around the town, I told her that they’re planning to tear down one of the three chimneys of our Power Plant, she got me a pizza, and then we went for this store with weird old junk in it. Just to find that it is no longer open, the windows are broken, and the door aren’t locked. I must say, I’m no fan of rats, so I was very hesitant of going in there, but then she assured me she sees none and that she’s hunting them down for me if need be. Which I trusted she would do due to reasons I won’t disclose for her sake. As we walk through the rooms (I really can’t stand the damp smell of old shower places, so we didn’t stay long on that side of the building, and other side was just a tad too dark due to having no windows), trying to light our way with our phones, some kids, almost full fledged teenagers walk in too. So imagine, we stand there in the dark, admiring peeling paints, looking behind broken counters, and these three kids find us there. They stopped in their tracks, possibly because we were too lazy to take our shades off. Possibly because one of us had a knife that we used to move suspicious things aside. They greeted us like this was the most normal situation you can be in, and when we assured them we’re here for most likely same reasons as they are – to snap some pics, they moved on, further in, to break more glass.

I never knew that building to have that many rooms really. Shower facilities were huge, which is also surprising, since that building was a banquet hall, but I guess since it’s located five steps away from the lake, it makes sense to have showers to wash off too. Other side of the building, after the hall itself lost the purpose, since Lithuania forgot its vacation little town, and we got abandoned, became used furniture + used clothes store. There was an abandoned shoe laying about, and someone has made a literal hole in the wall towards the balcony. Now that I think of it, it would’ve been nice to find actual doors to balcony. But anyway, my friend went through the hole, I was too hesitant. The idea of getting stuck is very unappealing.

After that we went towards my home, where we watched a couple movies, and she carried a ton of my books back home for me, while I carried the drinks we got at the store.

Later on that week I got bad news that mum lost her job, and that the project for summer was canceled, so I’m in a lot of hurry to find a bigger source of income than I have right now. Tutoring doesn’t pay that well in summer, and not that many people need translations. Better news were that one of the debts is probably gonna get smaller monthly payments, so I might actually managed to pull through it in autumn, IF I survive through the summer. And then two more Patrons happened, tho admittedly one of them is again a friend of mine. But then, it’s also very nice to know that your friends care about you and/or your work that much.

[log] The Good things

Two real good things happened last week, and I’d like to get back to whole month-summary but smaller, weekly, so I’m gonna tell you all about it.

First thing was this:

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Did you know that V.E. Schwab (Victoria Schwab) has a tumblr? [VICTORIALAND] to be precise. I didn’t know either. So there I was, telling the small world of mine how I love this author, and the like I got… Yes, I checked, it’s really her page. Now I follow her everywhere as a result.

Note to future-author-self and any other author: you give a little happy heart-attack to your fans when you kindly interact. Let me emphasize on KINDLY. I saw great and small authors come lash out on a reviewer for a bad review, or send their flock of followers to do the deed for them. Don’t be those people. They didn’t aim where they hit you. Be Felicia Day. Be Victoria Schwab. Be real so we can love you even more. Notice us, talk to us, and we’ll forever be your fans.

Second thing is simpler, but probably more important in the long run, althou really, let’s be honest, my fav author saw my comment and liked it, is it really that much more important?

Anyway. One Lithuanian company that prides itself on being our very own Paypal gave me a proper visa card, and so now I have full use of my paypal account. A.k.a. I can withdraw money too, as before I could only use it to pay for things and receive money into it. Etsy gave the option to pass money along directly into bank account too, and while it takes a small cut, my own bank doesn’t, and that’s surprising, but very kind of them too.

So, say, if you want to order a commission right now, or a piece of jewelry, or just buy me a coffee, you can do so now knowing I won’t need to seek ways to use the money you kindly invested in me.

Prague Flavor

800px-Prague_MontageI was to Prague almost 12 years ago, my very first journey abroad, and one I remember fondly no matter the hiccups. But here’s what reminds me of the trip the most: apple (flavored) tea.

The first morning there it was already hot, no matter how early it was. My 16 year old self read somewhere that in hot weather some hot tea makes it more bearable, so for once in my life I abandoned juice, and asked for a cup of hot tea. Being shy as hell, when asked what kind, I just waved my hand saying that it won’t matter. And really, it didn’t.

But they gave me apple tea. Some generic packet brand. Yet the flavor was so soothing and delicious (I drink tea with no sugar for forever now, so flavors really matter). And so I was a convert. Tea became my thing.

Now ever since I have apple tea I remember Prague, a good thing to associate, innit? But the bad thing is, that I never found that right one… Might just have to go back, I guess.

(I’m too lazy to dig out my hard drive, so here’s a generic picture of Prague)

Indifference

I went to post office, counting numbers in my mind of how much might it cost to send two small packages to Canada. People walk past me, children, older women. In front of me walks an older man in one of those old brown cheap suits all our grandpa’s probably had. He got my attention, because of the staggering step he made. Then second one. With the third one something stopped obeying him in his body, and he fell onto the bike lane.

Here my mind started playing scenes with people rushing towards him, calling ambulance, someone yelling “move aside, I’m a doctor!“, but you might guess – that didn’t happen. I watched one woman walk past. Then another. Children turned back to look, but kept their distance.

I ran to the man, that’s like five steps really, shook his shoulder, asked him what happened, you know, the ordinary things you do when someone succumbs, falls, or otherwise shows ailment, and/or lack of response. This was the case, the man didn’t respond, but there was no smell of alcohol either, so whole that “ugh, must be a drunkard, so people were afraid to get near” didn’t count. I called the ambulance then.

Children came closer, and since I was in a hurry, I admit, I asked them to wave the ambulance here when they see it coming, just in case, and ran to the post office. Funny thing? All scene was perfectly visible from post office windows, so I could keep an eye on the kids. I saw the ambulance come. I saw them pick the man up. I saw them drive away with him, sirens blaring, and children getting on their way. NOW people looked. NOW people stopped to see. It was safe to gawk.

Here’s the thing. This could be ANY of us, without exceptions. Be you the healthiest damn vegan on Earth, be you a jogger rolling with that healthy life. Be you young, and fit. This still could be you, and people might walk past you just as well. And if that doesn’t get hit you into your consciousness, remember that this could also be your parent.

I’d say no less than 15 years back my mother slipped and fell near a store. As a kid I wasn’t much worried, it was daytime anyway, maybe she went to another store. When she staggered in home bloody, I realized I should’ve been worried. She said she couldn’t move, her head was ringing, she could hardly see. It was a busy place, so not a damn chance on Earth that no one saw her there, on the floor. But people didn’t care. Maybe they thought themselves above this woman, who might, MIGHT be a drunkard. And on that “maybe/might” indifference was built.