Log | Untitled jumble

There’s so much work all the damn time, that by the end of the day, I tend to not wish to write so much. What I do wish to do is to craft, so here’s some nice updates:

I have finally gotten myself some resin, and must say, it’s amazing. I love working with it, and believe I’ll make some gorgeous stuff, since even the first pancake was not burnt so much.

On top of that I’ve received some art supplies from a friend in Scotland, who was so very kind to give them to me. Never have I ever painted with such quality items. Last night it blew my mind that I might make a painting, and all it would take in editing was to blow out the colors that scanner ate. That’s all. Every color I wanted turned out perfect, watercolors mixed well, remained vivid, and allowed for blending. Inks are incredible too, and I can’t stop painting pandas, you just wait.

Some while ago I watched Bohemian Rhapsody, and it was full of glorious movie magic and music, so you could say I was very inspired for a long run now. Now, to survive December, and then the rest of the winter.

How’s your December going? Looking forwards to the Holidays?



T Guy Tales | Representation

2In the past I got told that my depression might be the result of me not accepting myself, aka, I’m depressed, because I’m transgender. I always fought it, but never could truly explain why that’s the complete opposite case. Today I can, with a very simple example:

You know what I hate? Long nails. It looks nice as an artwork, but other than that, I like shorter nails better, and those boyish short with maybe black nail polish as some certain Demon Butler got. I don’t like the idea that my nails make my hands look more feminine, and I think guys with good nail polish, especially black nail polish, get that extra point of “well done”.

You know what else I hate? Trimming my nails. I hate it a lot. I don’t cut my nails too short, no, but there’s still  that period of time where something around your fingertips feels wrong, raw, unhappy.

The easiest way to make myself do things I don’t like doing, or don’t feel like doing, but I feel like I should due to my own preferences in guys or as a guy, is to remember just that fact: as a guy, I’d like to represent a certain image.

So I cut my nails, my hair, ironed and hung my shirt. Small things that depression would otherwise prevent me from doing, but my inner self will fight for.

Hello: Follow Up

Thank You, 6 days into November, and neither my mum, nor I would’ve had any meds.

I rarely get sick, and that’s probably why it always hits me so hard. And I can’t remember when was the last time I had anything to medicate myself with during flu or cold. No insurance either, so can’t even go to the doctors unless it’s already a complicated situation that I hope not to land in, ever.

Be sure, every coffee is so very much appreciated, so loved, and makes my day so much better, that I can only hope I’m (hopefully sooner than later) someday in a position to get back at you.

As for my health, today is the worst day, it being the second full day of sickness. I slept maybe 4 or 5 hours, and shall proceed living on broth, because that’s easiest to swallow, and healthiest during this nasty period. I have successfully gone through more than 30 (more than half a box of 60) tissues, used three out of eight throat pain relievers (but I have honey-lemon mints that soothe okay), I am slightly deaf, and can’t smell a thing, but that’s probably because I can’t breathe.

Love ya, please have a better day than mine, and all the health to get through this plague season without falling victim.


November and December are the toughest months for me, and if you think 4 days in doesn’t yet qualify as a month – you’re very wrong. If anyone would care to tip a coffee, it’d be greatly appreciated. Commissions for both jewelry and paintings are also open. Thank You very much for your kindness, that’s the thing that keeps me alive and going ☕🐼


Summary | General Time

I’m a bit in a pancake-y mood, so don’t mind me not being very active. It is not so bad really, not yet at least, and by the time it shifts to one way or the other – it might just be the good other.

I want to try a little different approach to summary. I’ll see if I can just fill out points as the week progresses, and thus risk less with my forgetfulness. Intros like this one here though, will be written as summary of the summary on the day.

So let’s see if I can part-by-part write this fker. (points if you get the reference)

  • On Wednesdays we wear pink (or black). And on Thursdays we go shave our sides. By the time you’re reading this, I will be back at my viking mohawk.
  • On Tuesday I went to search for a backpack so I’d not have to carry a bag (I got this messenger bag with Nightmare Before Christmas artwork on it). And on Wednesday my friend came over for a minute, saying she got something for me. Yep. Yep. YEP. A panda pattern backpack that I hugged for hours afterwards.
  • I think that one character in Band Sinister by K.J. Charles is actually a transgender man, and it’s making me so happy that if it’s not true – just don’t tell me, I don’t need to know, I can just believe a beautiful lie right now.

Been working a lot, since apparently November is going to be the season of project conclusion, and we’ve two projects in translations currently, and I speak of large stuff, millions of words. To be honest, I’m growing fond of my position as editor in one of these jobs, it’s much easier, pays the same, and I can do far more too.

Halloween has began in Elder Scrolls, something I was prepared to review, but haven’t, and now that only 4 days are left – it is too late, since the even itself needs 10 days to participate in fully. I might still at least show you what I got during it, I guess, why not, right?

Am now working on jewelry commission, and the super secret thing is still happening. I’ve already contacted test subjects, and one already provided me with feedback, for which I am very happy, since it wasn’t all just “oh, I like it“. I need the good and the bad equally. The jewelry commission is making me happy too, because it’s something in my range of skills that I currently possess, and when clients got ideas of their own to share with me – work always goes smoother than trial and error I take up otherwise.

I have finally finished watching Vikings the, what was it, 10th episode of 5th season? Had two episodes left when I had to reinstall my windows after that little event with Dragon Age. Washed my hair, dyed it blue, washed it three more times, tried scrubbing the bathtub, figured it’ll eventually come out by itself, and since hair damage be really real, just watched some series while it dried. The color is magically deep “midnight” blue. And when I finished with the Vikings, I watched two episodes of Sabrina, and that was amazing too. Gotta admit, her cousin is fine in many ways, and hopefully he doesn’t die. But why is Salem not talking?

Also watched Castlevania season 2, back-to-back twice. Had dreams that I was in a modern army of Dracula’s after that. Good dream, not gonna lie. Inspired me a little, as Dracula tends to do. Don’t ask me why, that whole gothic + warlord vibe is just up my alley.

Am now going to do my best to kick myself out of the stupor and into the spoooook. Because I know exactly what caused the stupor. And that was… Let’s just say I’ve learned this same lesson many times over.


Log | Mango Loco

3Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! So to not be “a friend of mine came back from abroad” several times this month: two of my friends went on quests abroad, and both brought me back some delicious energy drinks, because they know me so well (with tea and energy drinks you can never go wrong with me).

This here, my friends, is Juiced, Monster: Mango Loco. It tastes a lot like Ripper used to taste, the yellow M, very sweet, delicious. The can is glorious, blue, with Yellow M (oooh, okay, I get it now), and decorated with Sugar Skull skellies for, I guess, Dia La Muertos. Definitely the most beautiful non-purple (because purple is always better) can ever. (And I really do love sky blue color)

4.5 out of 5, just because it was a tad to sweet, but really, really good.

Belated Summary |8-16

I can’t say I recall all the things that happened, but plenty happened. It’s just that there was so much work intermixed with it all, that I had no time to sit down and do things at all, small things, little things, precious things like updating this blog.

Most important stuff being this:

  • My beloved friend B has spoiled me beyond words, with tea, the most marvelous blackberry chocolate ever, gorgeous forest goodies that are already being tested, sorted, and implemented into jewelry, and the Magpie Lord, the two books I was still missing.


  • I am already re-reading “A Case of Possession“, terrorizing my other bookish friends with pictures of highlighted text. With an actual highlighter. Because I love them so much, they’re absolutely mine, and I want to find everything I love going back to in a snap. These are, after all, the rare books that I actually do want to own in physical form. I loved this all so much, thank You very, very much 🖤
  • I’ve painted some things that are not just inktober, and I think I did a pretty good job about it.
  • Found a Dacre Stoker book, prequel to Dracula, that I will be reading shortly.
  • It’s almost Halloween season in my games!
  • Speaking of games, had to reinstall my windows TWICE in the same day. One time I got so mad, I don’t know how my friend didn’t just tell me I’m stupid or something (because I started childishly refusing to do anything about the mess, like one does). Instead with some light motivation I have managed. Windows works great now, but I’ve still not fully set with my games, so overheating still happens, but since it’s cold enough – it’s not that bad.

This calls for a story though. I have a love-hate relationship with Dragon Age: Inquisition. I really love those games, and I do hope to visit Tevinter in 4th one someday, if it ever happens. Anyway, one day, two days before needing to reinstall windows, I installed it, and made it work, for it didn’t turn on for a while.

The first time I ever got DAI – something happened in my system, and now my pc only works with down-clocking. It was overheating to a point of 102C* degrees (a split hair over boiling water temperature) , and would switch itself off to avoid catching fire and dying. MSI Afterburner is what kept me going, even if I couldn’t employ all the graphics powers that I had.

And so, the second time I installed DAI – all of that happened. My graphics drivers completely broke, and I had to reinstall them or see through every window, watching text float, change fonts, and all that. By the next day my 6 second boot became 15 minute boot and I knew it had to be done. I had to reinstall windows. So I did.

  • New Elder Scrolls Online crates are up, of course. And there’ll be an even starting on 18th, not just Halloween, which is repeated as last year, but with newer prizes in the skulls. There’ll be an event all the way up to new years. Basically we’ll have 4, and during each you can buy a feather. Collect all four (if you missed one, you can buy it during next event), and get that wonderful mount from Summerset, the magical elk thing.
  • Had a blast in Factorio. Don’t know why those damn animals are so aggressive in this gameplay, but it kept me real busy, and I’m really enjoying it so far. I even made a proper little factory for weapons. Me! I’m usually the guy who just props two assembly machines and some chests around, which I then proceed to manually re-supply. The one thing that didn’t change though, I’m still the warlord, building the wall, putting up turrets, getting that ammo. My friend took over the digging part of my work, for which I am grateful, because she does a better job at it anyway, and it saves me some roaming around, so I can concentrate on extermination.
  • Talked our other friend into playing some Terraria after the fact, and that was great too. This friend is THE friend who always wants to play on the hardest damn modes, so that’s what we’re doing there, and we died in same spot maybe 6 times each, and I accidentally destroyed some stuff, and… Well. It’s a good game.
  • I still didn’t get me a yoga/aerobics mat, and I’m baffled how did I forget when I clearly need one so bad.
  • My friends are great people, and I love each one of them very much. You’ve no idea what awesome folk they are, and no, I don’t know why they’re friends with me either, but hey, I’m not about to point it out to them!

Hope you’ll have a good day too


Log | The Purple

4I really love color purple / violet / cold pink. And apparently I love acai fruit flavor.

A friend brought me a can of purple Red Bull, and it’s the most delicious damn Red Bull I have ever tasted. And of course we do not have it in Lithuania.

We got the Red one that is grapefruit, the Redder one (yep) that is plums and, if my memory doesn’t lie, cinnamon? Yellow, which is tropical flavor which is hell knows what, very too sweet. And for summer we had green one that is now gone, the apple one, which I really loved (and I love that Christmas edition one with plumes too, since it’s so unusual). But not this of course. Why would we have the best one, eh?…

Anyway, it is good. 5/5 fo sho.

Log | 01-07

Ooph, what a week, I tell you. Plenty of good and bad, pretty much in equal measures. Very hardware-y + snack-y stuff, as unlikely as that sounds. Anyway, here goes:

  • I have a love-hate relationship with Dragon Age Inquisition. Only Inquisition. The first time I played it, I had my brand new pc for a while now, and I knew how amazingly capable it is. But the day I installed DAI was the last I felt it. Soon after something happened, and my pc started overheating beyond any sanity, reaching 102C*, and switching off to avoid death. After a while I just went with MSI Afterburned and downclocked my twin graphics cards. Yes. While some overclock, I had to downclock. It worked well, but everything had to be set far below what I could run. I played that game many, many times, but never played DLC’s, because they’re stupid expensive, and I just lost the want after a while.

    As time goes, and DAI is long uninstalled, and even my windows reinstalled a few times since then, still only running with clocking things down, I decide I kinda want to play it again. Do you want to guess what happened?

    First I noticed some graphics are glitching the hell out. Then the game breaks down. Then I start seeing the most obscene behavior from any non-static window windows can provide, so if there was as much as a button that changed color when you hovered it – I saw demonic possession. Let alone browsers. Yes, all of them.

    So I went ahead and reinstalled graphics drivers from scratch. But lo and behold, something happened again, something this re-write didn’t fix. I can barely run games, I barely turned some things on, and at one point I was sure my secondary graphics card has died. It took me some strain, taking out, cleaning out, reinstalling it again, turning it off, then on, restarting, repeating, to have it work again. And, yes, games are still absolutely not running on what they used to run on. Yes, all of them, at least all of the ones I played. Maybe reinstalling them would help, I don’t know, we’ll see. But, anyway, that’s the worst that happened this week. And if it’s the worst, then, quoting Peter Monn: I had a pretty good week then.

  • Speaking of Peter Monn, he showed my Panda that I painted for him in this Vlog right here, time stamp: 34:30. This is the first from my Panda Project, with full title being “Peter Monn Living His Best Life” and a subtitle “Thank You for not flipping the rest of us off while you’re at it”, as a play to his drama channel, and all the drama with beauty gurus flipping people off with caption “living my best life” all around. He seems genuinely happy about it, which in return made me very happy. See, doing things for others is happiness!
  • Then HumbleBundle put up a Bundle of VtM books: Here. I think I’ll have enough time to buy them. I mean I got 9 more days, right? None of them are from the physical book collection that I’m gathering, so if anyone finds Clan Novels further from Gangrel – let me know.
  • I have painted two paintings other than Inktober Pandas. They’re both good, but Bunny Meyer, aka Grav3yardGirl is much better. I intend to send it to her. The other one has a teaser up on my Patreon, but Patrons see it first, so we’ll see when I’ll put it up for public viewing.
  • Inktober 2018 is going great. I’m following the official prompts, but as always am painting pandas with two inks. One is 1/3 water, the other is 2/3 water, and then sometimes I darken things with pure ink. I make outlines with a bic pen.
  • Two friends went abroad very recently, and they both brought back a lot of goodies for me, for which I am very, very grateful. You can never miss if you get me a can of good brand energy drink (Relentless, Rockstar, Monster | btw I saw Relentless are calling their stimulating drinks? I’m not sure which is worse), or tea.
  • AHS has made an interesting turn. I don’t like it that they didn’t follow a more punk dystopian sort of gas-mask apocalypse line, but if I ignore that want for Metro 2033, and that sexy-dangerous type of beings, then I can appreciate what’s going on. I also got only 2 more episodes of Vikings left. And I know Doctor Who is about to begin, but I need to catch up with that too, dammit.
  • I’ve read 19 books last month.
  • Bunny Meyer is doing a great job with Vlogoween, and her latest treasure with Jeffree Star and Rich Lux is my favorite, here, watch it:

  • I have tidies things pretty well around me. Not perfect yet, but getting there. I also counted I have exactly 310 books, not counting the ones in boxes, awaiting new home.
  • I’m really stuck on one Hawking’s book chapter from “Black Holes and Baby Universes”. I just can’t seem to understand it in full, so I keep re-reading the same chapter.


I think that’s it. There’s all like these little things, like finding my fav mouthwash on sale, or getting new Monster flavor in stores, and so on, things like that make things better for the whole week for me. Yes, I am definitely not the most interesting person out there.