Log [2017-06-06]

Week so far is tad strange. But so far it’s not too bad.

I worked myself out of the stupor, made a ton of beautiful things, and will now schedule patreon too, so that patrons get the most for the support, and love that they give me.

It’s weird how both too sunny, and too overcast are both very bad for pictures. I can work it out of the picture either way, but that’s exactly it, it means more work on the photographs.

The paintings are going slower, but they’re still going. I’m a bit annoyed that the colors in pallet get all kinds of weird – they either dry out their oils, or their oils turn them into goo. Deep-dishes are a bit bad if you’re not using large amounts of paint at once.

Sold last of the encased flower pendants, so now I’ve no more actual flower pieces. I should get more, but gathering nature’s materials for crafting is very bothersome…

Sunday: Summary [29-04]

Oh, so many things happened.

The week started with deep-ass depression, really I felt like this was it, I can’t continue with things. And I feel best when I work, so being unable to work means I feel even worse in the long run. But bit by bit, encouraged by friends, I pushed a sentence after a sentence, a bend after a bend, and a stroke after a stroke. Blog entries were all over the place, I admit, but at least they were there.

I played some extra video games on mute, just so I could listen to audio books while doing mundane things as gathering silk, so that the beast in me that requires I work all the time doesn’t think I slack. In the end that really de-stressed me, so I’m grateful to have all those games, so many of them being given to me by friends.

Books are great, and I encourage each and every single one of you, even those who read one book every few month, join some book-y community. Felicia Day’s “Vaginal Fantasy” is great, for instance, and no, it’s not just for the ladies, they read all kinds of romance stories, weird, normal, fantasy, sci-fi, and yes, queer too. The people you connect with will be worth the effort. I promise you a sense of accomplishment when you finish a book everyone’s now reading, and you can join into the discussion too. I’m lucky to say that I have a lot of reader friends, one of them is this wonderful young woman, from [P.S. I Love That Book], and her videos inspire me to read more. She’s a living proof that no matter what book you pick up – it’s good, and that you do need to expand your horizons on your own, because marketing will not do it for you.

And she’s not the only reading friend that I’ve got! There’s two that pry the door open for books I’d like to read, but feel… Well, bad about reading them, I felt afraid to review them, but they, eventually, made it feel normal, and perfectly fine. There’s one who is just getting into the booky stuff via crafting and listening to audio books, and I’m real happy for her. And then there’s one who gives a whole new perspective to books, because she likes them for whole different reasons, and makes all of us see what we might have missed.

I also made two pieces of jewelry, one is not yet finishes, because I want a different chain for it, which just never came, so I guess I’ll have to figure it out, and the other one is already on [<a href=”http://soukyan.etsy.com”>Etsy</a>%5D and is called Fisher King and Nimue (lady of the lake), due to the bead primarily purpose: to be visible underwater from afar. I sold a fair amount of jewelry too, so I really need to step up my game before I ran out of everything except earrings. Earrings are rare sale, really, I don’t think many people wear them anymore, which is perfectly fine, I like making necklaces and bracelets more anyway!

Two wonderful artists offered to make commissions on my behalf. People donate to my fundraiser, and they do commissions for those people in exchange. I admit, I might have teared up a bit when I read what they’re doing. Why would you sacrifice your time for someone you barely, if at all, know? But there’s kind people on this Earth.

And thank You to my Patrons, all four of you. Know that I’d understand completely if one day you decide that this was enough for you, and you’d like to move on ❤ I appreciate the thought and time you spent there, and there’s really nothing I won’t show a bit later to public anyway. I’m saying this, because all four of you are my friends, okay? If you were strangers, this talk wouldn’t be happening, I promise!

So, all in all, this was a bad-to-good week. I have hope again.

Indifference

I went to post office, counting numbers in my mind of how much might it cost to send two small packages to Canada. People walk past me, children, older women. In front of me walks an older man in one of those old brown cheap suits all our grandpa’s probably had. He got my attention, because of the staggering step he made. Then second one. With the third one something stopped obeying him in his body, and he fell onto the bike lane.

Here my mind started playing scenes with people rushing towards him, calling ambulance, someone yelling “move aside, I’m a doctor!“, but you might guess – that didn’t happen. I watched one woman walk past. Then another. Children turned back to look, but kept their distance.

I ran to the man, that’s like five steps really, shook his shoulder, asked him what happened, you know, the ordinary things you do when someone succumbs, falls, or otherwise shows ailment, and/or lack of response. This was the case, the man didn’t respond, but there was no smell of alcohol either, so whole that “ugh, must be a drunkard, so people were afraid to get near” didn’t count. I called the ambulance then.

Children came closer, and since I was in a hurry, I admit, I asked them to wave the ambulance here when they see it coming, just in case, and ran to the post office. Funny thing? All scene was perfectly visible from post office windows, so I could keep an eye on the kids. I saw the ambulance come. I saw them pick the man up. I saw them drive away with him, sirens blaring, and children getting on their way. NOW people looked. NOW people stopped to see. It was safe to gawk.

Here’s the thing. This could be ANY of us, without exceptions. Be you the healthiest damn vegan on Earth, be you a jogger rolling with that healthy life. Be you young, and fit. This still could be you, and people might walk past you just as well. And if that doesn’t get hit you into your consciousness, remember that this could also be your parent.

I’d say no less than 15 years back my mother slipped and fell near a store. As a kid I wasn’t much worried, it was daytime anyway, maybe she went to another store. When she staggered in home bloody, I realized I should’ve been worried. She said she couldn’t move, her head was ringing, she could hardly see. It was a busy place, so not a damn chance on Earth that no one saw her there, on the floor. But people didn’t care. Maybe they thought themselves above this woman, who might, MIGHT be a drunkard. And on that “maybe/might” indifference was built.

2017 – 04 – 22 – a week of unfortunate events

My mouse broke, my lamp broke, my headphones broke.

Headphones, admittedly, broke a little earlier. I fixed them by taping a hair thing, accessory like a little bow similar in shape to that of headphones base, onto that said broken base. Then the cord broke… Friend got me a replacement, and now it works good. Tho to be honest, they’re a bit loose on my head now, so a lot of sound comes in, and I find that to be disturbing most of the time, since I’m used to working in silence or listening to audio books.

Then my mouse broke. Left button decided enough is enough, and the cord agreed, so slowly but surely it was going to its death. I’m gonna miss my black-white-red skull of a mouse, but what can you do. Again, thanks to friends I’ve a replacement. And it’s green. I like it.

And then, as a cherry on top, my lamp decided to go out. Most of my work and all of my hobbies require me have a light, because my work space is behind a bookshelf which is packed to the point where light barely comes in. I was told these might be more expensive, the bulbs. But luckily there was a sale, and I found one for 1.50e or something. Might not last, but for now it’ll definitely do.

So all in all, I’m still pulling.